


pinky promise, i'll still love your garden, even with no flowers

by a_little_hope (orphan_account)



Series: Femme Reylo [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Fem!Reylo, Fluff and Angst, Lesbians in Space, Post-War, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 16:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12686118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/a_little_hope
Summary: you open yourself for the first time and feel free...





	pinky promise, i'll still love your garden, even with no flowers

It’s dark and cold when Rey wakes up. Sometimes, she doesn’t remember where she is, but the blankets around her remind her that she’s safe. It’s been nearly a year since the war ended, and she’s still getting used to the fact that Leia’s daughter is right down the hall from her.

These days neither Rey or Kylo comes out of their rooms that much, talking to people can make too much noise, hearing all the conversations about how they were heroes was even worse. But tonight, Rey woke up, her arms throbbing with pain, and she swore that she could hear Kylo crying. Drop it, she reached out through the bond she and Kylo shared as she put on her robe and raised out into the hallway, drop the blade. For a second, there was silence, and then,

_Leave me alone, the voice was angry, but most of all broken._

No, Rey got to the door of Kylo’s chambers. “Kylo, open up.”

Nothing. “Don’t make me open the door, come on.”

 

The door slid open, “Close the door behind you.” Rey did as the girl said, entering her room quietly. Kylo’s room was a mess. The girl was usually known for keeping her quarters meticulously clean - save when she had her outbursts - but now everything was broken. Even her bed.

Rey found Kylo in the bathroom, her head back against the wall, knees up to her chest. Rey could see the marks that ran down Kylo’s arms, fresh and crimson. “Oh gods,” She whispered. Her breath caught as she bent down to get a better look at her. Kylo pulled away from her.

“Go away,” She said. “I don’t want pity.”

“I’m not here to give you pity,” Rey said. She picked up Kylo’s arm, examining the wounds a razor blade had made in her skin. “I’m here to heal you.”

Kylo tried to pull away again.

“Sit still, will you?”

“It helps,” She explained feebly.

“There are better solutions,” That was a shitty thing to say, and it wouldn’t help, but Rey wasn’t sure what else she could say. She pulled at her arm again. “Stay still,” This time Kylo listened as Rey started to concentrate.

Once she was done, she left to leave without another word. “Where are you going?”

“To leave you alone,”

“Don’t go.”

So Rey stays. She stays until Kylo falls asleep, before going back to her own room.

Two days later, and Rey’s stayed in her room, a few candles lit and some holobooks read. _Can I come over?_ A voice in her head said. It was the first time that Kylo had talked to her through the bond in a while, and Rey almost jumped. Not expecting it.

_I don’t have to if you don’t want me to._

_Nevermind. It’s fine._

Rey almost rolled her eyes.

_My door’s open and I haven’t had visitors all day. I’m bored so you can come in whenever you want._

_Oh, okay. I’ll be over there in a second._

The door slid open and Kylo walked in silently, not knowing what to do with herself. “What did you want?” Rey asked.

“Uh, can I sit?”

Couldn’t she sit in her own quarters? “Yes, go ahead.” Kylo sat down on the chair opposite her bed, looking down at the ground. Rey waited. Just as she was about to ask Kylo what she wanted again, the girl said,

“Thank you,”

“For what?”

“You know for what,” She did, “I felt a little less lonely.“ Silence. What was Rey supposed to say? That Kylo shouldn’t have done that. She shouldn’t have, but Kylo did a lot of things she shouldn’t have done.

“Of course,” Rey tried her best to smile, she hated being so guarded around Kylo. “Just promise me that you won’t do that again.”

“I won’t,” She says. Rey believes it.

A few days go by, and this time Rey is the one who goes to visit Kylo. It was supposed to be her day to visit with Poe and Finn and Leia, but she’s avoiding it. Kylo welcomes her in this time. Her quarters restored to it’s former cleanliness. The room smelled of food. Without any question, Kylo set out a plate for her. “You okay?” Was all Kylo offered.

“Hungry,” The silence was enough to explain the rest. Kylo went over to her door and locked it before serving Rey some food.

_Have you ever had casserole?_

_No._

_Well I hope you like it._ Rey smiled, savouring the first bite. She hadn’t known that Kylo was such a good cook. Kylo apparently liked her reaction, smirking into her casserole as she ate. _If you want more food you’ll have to come back again_. Rey practically scarfed down her food, putting her plate away when she was done.

“Even if you weren’t a good cook I’d still come back,” She promised. Kylo nearly choked on her food. “What?”

“Nothing… are you going to stay here until Leia and the others are out of the way?“

“If that’s okay with you,”

“It is,” she said between bites, “I just want to know why?”

“I just don’t want to talk to people.” She said.

“Oh and I’m not people?” Kylo said with mock incredulity.

“No. It’s not like that. It’s just… The bond makes it different, less tiresome.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” They went silent with a knock at the door. “Who is it?” Kylo shouted.

“Leia,”

“Go away,”

“Is Rey there with you? She’s not in her room.”

“Rey would sooner decapitate me than be in the same room as me, now go away, I’m tired.” Leia sighed, presumably muttering something to Finn and Poe as they left. Rey whispered thank you, and Kylo told her that she could stay as long as she liked, but Rey left.

 _Rey?_ A voice called out.

 _Kylo?_ She called back. Kylo didn’t answer. She got up and raced over to Kylo’s room. It was a habit they’d formed. The door opened. Kylo was sitting on her bed. “You called?”

“Yeah. Sorry did I wake you up?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you know what it’s like having in your head for twenty nine years?” The answer would obviously be no. “Even if they were awful and made you feel like shit it’s just hard with them not being there and it’s fucked up.” _Oh._

“Kylo… It’s better that he’s gone.”

“Is it? At least I could get out of my room and do things.”

“At least you don’t have an evil space being monitoring every thing you do. You’re free now, and eventually you’ll stop hurting so much.” Kylo nodded. It was almost like she hung on every word. “Besides, I’m not leaving.” Kylo looked over at her. Her eyes asking one question. Do you really mean that?

“I can’t imagine what it would be like without you.” For Rey, this came a little out of left field. “It’s just… a little less lonely.” There was so much that Rey wanted to say, but she forgot how to form the words necessary to speak. Kylo didn’t need her to speak though, she rested her head on Rey’s shoulder. Rey let her stay there. Feeling comfortable with the ex-warlord touching her for the first time.

* * *

 

Kylo wished that Rey wasn’t leaving, but she was. Luke wanted her help on a peace mission, and of course the Resistance’s council wasn’t going to let her go with the two of them. Rey had come by briefly to say her goodbyes, and she gave Kylo a hug. Kylo knew that she shouldn’t have taken too much stock in it, Rey was just being friendly, but she still felt like she was going to cry. “Be careful,” was all she said before Rey left her.

Leia visited her daughter that night. Knocking on the door lightly before inviting herself in. This time Kylo didn’t protest. Shd was too tired. Leia didn’t say anything, just sat down on the bed next to her, a brush in her hand. Kylo let her brush her hair like when she was little, closing her eyes. It was more relaxing than she remembered. “Rey will be okay,”

“Can you be sure?”

“Yes. She told me to look after you.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. Ask her for yourself.” Right. The bond. _You out there?_

 _Yes. Are you okay?_ A smile played at Kylo’s lips. Maybe the next few months wouldn’t be so alone. “You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

“That’s not going to happen mom,”

“I see the way you look at her-”

“She would never feel the same,” Kylo cut her off and Leia stopped brushing her hair. Sitting down next to her on the bed.

“Anything is possible.” She told her. “You just wait until she gets back and see.”

And with that she left. And Kylo waited for Rey. Hoping that maybe the feeling might be mutual…


End file.
